The measure of a man is his relationship to reality. Life is preparation for Heaven, or “Reality itself,” as CS Lewis calls it in The Great Divorce. As far as a man is attending to reality, facing reality, living in congruence with reality, he is already beginning to enjoy a foretaste of eternal life. But as far as he is denying and avoiding reality, escaping into excuses and rationalizations and distractions, he is only a man in the biological sense, and is, spiritually, already the walking dead.
We encounter Reality through repentance. Repentance means that we do not deny and shift the blame for our action and inaction, we take responsibility for our sins, daily confessing and forsaking them. The result of repentance is not some grim, dour, meager existence. That is what the devil wants us to believe. No, the result of true repentance is the abundant life that, deep down, we most desperately want. Repentance is the gateway to what we truly need.
Here are the three things that every man needs in order to live in Reality:
Real Relationships. The first thing that the Bible tells us is “not good,” even before the fall, is for a man to be alone. And we all know that we can be surrounded by people and still be alone. We need to be “walking in the light” with at least one other person that we can trust to both encourage and challenge us. Someone needs to know all our stuff. Without real relationships, we start buying into our own comforting but deceiving excuses. Start by being uncomfortably real in one relationship and commit to it, and watch as all of your relationships become more real. If you don’t know where to start, schedule a meeting with a trained counselor or wise pastor.
Real Responsibility. Men need purpose just as much as we need food and water. This is why the addict who does not serve other addicts will inevitably use again. Spiritually, we must give away what we have in order to keep it. And we cannot burden a mere “job” with all the weight of our need for responsibility. Paul tells us in Colossians to do everything as if we were doing it for the Lord, because we are. When we begin to avoid responsibility in even the smallest of ways, shifting the blame to others, we are avoiding and denying reality. Brother, your problems may not be your fault, but they are your responsibility. If it’s not your problem, there is no solution! Again, maybe your first step is to ask for help and keep asking for help. And again, it is your responsibility and no one else’s to do that.
Real Rest. There is such a thing as over-responsibility. Workaholism is real and it is a failure to trust God. We can also take responsibility for things that belong to others, or even take responsibility for the emotions of others. This is a failure to love both them and ourselves. Real rest involves learning to do only what we are responsible for, which is fulfilling because both under-responsibility and over-responsibility are tiring and miserable. Furthermore, rest involves truly stopping throughout the day, week, and year to “pray and play.”1 Real rest is not achieved through distractions like TV and video games, which are potentially addictive. Real rest is rest from the potentially addictive activities like work that structure our life and deceive us into believing the exhausting lie that the world revolves around us.
As image bearers of God, aka Reality Himself, who exists eternally in a 3-1 relationship and modeled for us in Genesis 1 a rhythm of meaningful work and real rest, we are made for relationships, responsibility, and rest. That is after all what we will be enjoying for all eternity: an eternal Sabbath rest filled with fulfilling relationships and responsible rule over the New Creation. Life now is practicing for heaven even in the midst of this fallen world of broken relationships, irresponsible men, and exhaustion. As we practice for heaven, as we practice overcoming our own excuses and taking responsibility for getting our own needs met, we become salt and light to weary men and women.
Which need is not being met for you? How can you take responsibility?
Eugene Peterson’s fun phrase for Sabbath rest.